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Thursday, 10 July 2014


A lot of last night's Corrie was predictable, in a good, reassuring way. Soaps are, after all, not supposed to be thrillers. It's engaging and comforting when characters act as you expect them to. It's like having friends who do the same brilliant and/or awful things time and again, because that's just what they're like. In other words, it's like life.

The most predictable thing that happened last night was Gary and Izzie splitting up. I'm really glad they did that. If there's one thing I've learnt over the years it's that it's better to end a boring, loveless relationship rather than, say, accidentally move in together through some kind of misguided politeness.

I hope Gary now comes on to and gets spurned by Alya, and Izzie has wild sex with Luke.

Other things I predict might happen on the Street soon (aka things I want to happen)...

- It will turn out that Michael didn't steal that big TV he gave to Gail (of course). He won it in a raffle, or got it on HP from somewhere. Then Michael will do something brave and kindly like stopping Max getting run over by Steve McDonald's campervan (dodgy handbrake plotline... Something similar happened to Henry Ramsey's ute in early-90s Neighbours, I believe*). Then Kylie and David will love Michael, after remembering that they both have dodgy pasts too and, after all, everyone forgave them. (Well, not exactly everyone, mainly just Audrey after a bit of sighing.)

- Gail will want to bonk Michael, get shy, and seek seduction advice from Sally. Somehow Rita will become involved in the conversation. Alan Bradley will get a namecheck.

- Andrea's boring husband will find out about Lloyd and come and tell him about her being married (either in a public location like the Rovers, or via a sinister back-seat-of-a-minicab whisper). Lloyd will confront Andrea about it and do an amazing emotional crying scene.

- Todd will form an unlikely yet genuine friendship with Kylie.

- Someone told me Cilla's coming back? I can't wait. Brilliant character, brilliant actress.

- There will be a Manchester Gay Pride storyline which knocks the (cock)socks off the dreadful scenes EastEnders set at London Pride a couple of weeks ago. I've never used the word cocksock before, but I just remembered an ancient EastEnders vignette where Dot and Ethel somehow ended up at a kind of Ann Summers party, and Ethel dived with glee into a box labelled "Willy Warmers", under the assumption they would be winter coats suitable for her dog (though the idea of Ethel believing that any company would sell a product specifically designed for and named after her specific dog (who was called Willy; you're following this aren't you?) speaks volumes about either Ethel's character (who I believe was NOT that naive), or serves as a historic** example of poor writing in EastEnders).

I need to go and look this up on YouTube. 

* I don't just "believe" this. I know it for a fact. 

** I almost wrote "an historic" because I'm a bit of a pretentious twat.

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